


No matter the past

by A_Touch_Of_Insanity



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, First Time, If You Squint - Freeform, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Intercrural Sex, Last Time, M/M, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rimming, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Surprisingly Sad, like its porn but also its sad, non-linear time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Touch_Of_Insanity/pseuds/A_Touch_Of_Insanity
Summary: Hux has planned his betrayal and fears that he will be discovered. Ren has something else on his mind.A reflection on the path of a tumultuous relationship and what has led them to this moment.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 152





	No matter the past

He knows.

Hux feels the panic bubble in stomach, his throat, behind his eyes. He maintains his usual placid facade, blankly gazing in the direction of whichever officer happened to be wittering on about whatever it was this meeting was about. It is hard to remember now.

There’s no way he doesn’t know.

 _Stupid_ Hux berates himself _stupid fucking idiot_. How did he ever believe he could keep it a secret? The other officers were easy enough to fool, its true, but Ren?

Hux glances to the end of the table, where the Supreme Leader was currently bored out of his mind by the looks of it. Hux can feel it, however. Ren’s mind is focussed on his in a way that he hasn’t felt in quite some time; he’s in Hux’s brain like a physical presence and it’s making him feel like his head will split in two at any moment. He's searching for something inside Hux's head and there is only one thing it could be for.

Keeping a secret from a mind reader. Hux had trained against this, of course; working in close proximity with Kylo Ren was always a risk but now... something’s off. Ren is rummaging around inside his brain with such drive and purpose that stopping him would be like holding back the tide. He tries to breath steadily and remember his training; keep your mind blank, lock your secret away and don’t think about it. As if trying not to think about something ever did anything other than bring it to the forefront of your mind.

He has to know.

There’s no other reason for Ren to be in his head; he’s barely glanced in Hux’s direction in days. The Supreme Leader no longer seems to have time for him. But now...Hux just prays he’ll do it quickly. Death is inevitable now he has committed such treachery. He’s seen many slow and agonising deaths in his time, many on this very ship, and he knows that for certain a blaster bolt through his head would be mercy. He hopes, for the sake of his dignity, it does not happen in front of the other officers. He’d like to be quietly dispatched in some dank corner of the shop, his body burned in an incinerator and that would be the end. Maybe Ren will do it himself, he ponders. A lightsaber through the heart seems a simple enough way to die and it would be so fitting after all these years. Better than being choked by an invisible hand that cuts of his breath and slowly starves his brain of oxygen. Hux shudders at the memory of kneeling in that throne room, begging for his life with nothing to claw at but his own throat.

Another memory follows unbidden, this time he is being choked the normal way; Ren’s large hands span the width of his fragile neck, only pressing in gently to cut off oxygen. He is being fucked at the same time and the sensations are overwhelming: he comes without his cock being touched.

Ren audibly laughs. Not a laugh exactly but a forceful exhale that sounded at once both smug and incredulous. The whole table turns to him, silent and scared, but Ren just waves them to continue the meeting. To anyone else it would look like Ren was distracted, lost in his own thoughts. Only Hux knew he was lost in someone else’s thoughts.

Hux has to know if he knows.

Hux decides he can’t take it any longer, the waiting to die. He has a shot, maybe, at distracting Ren with his active thoughts which he knows are being listened in on. He’s like a child sometimes and easily distracted by something new and shiny that might lure him off the scent. They’ve done this sort of non-verbal conversation before, of course, but Hux still needs to brace himself before confronting Ren directly in his mind.

 _How much of that were you listening in on?_ He thinks and it’s loud enough in his own head that for a second he panics he said it out loud.

_Now why would you think I was listening in on your thoughts, General?_

The voice in his head is more intense than his own, seemingly filling his skull. Hux winces involuntarily and then rolls his eyes very much voluntarily, not willing to dignify Ren with a proper response. After a few moments pause, the voice returns.

_It wasn’t intentional. You were thinking very loudly about me choking you._

Hux grits his teeth. The tone of the voice was smug and he tries his hardest to respond with well practiced apathy. Inside, a glimmer of hope that he conceals with all his effort.

Maybe he doesn’t know yet.

_I’m curious, General, is this what you always think about during High Command meetings? Or is it my presence here that is causing your mind to...wander?_

The undercurrent of suggestion in his tone makes Hux’s stomach twist; he thinks he knows where this is going. He fights hard to keep a dismissive tone, coolly glancing in Ren’s direction.

_You are distracting._

Ren smirks back at him and his eyebrows twitch a little, clearly amused. They both turn away and back to the meeting, Hux bracing himself for whatever it is Ren will do next.

_I can be more distracting, if you’d like._

Predictable as ever, Hux begins to role his eyes when suddenly the pressure of Ren inside his head returns at full force. Hux only has a moment to panic, thinking that maybe Ren knows what’s he’s done after all, before a memory surfaces.

Ren is sweaty, shirtless and snarling as he ruts into Hux, who lies prostrate on the cold metal floor. Hux is making what are, on reflection, highly embarrassing mewling noises with each thrust and reaches around Ren’s broad shoulders to scratch down his back. When he comes in Ren’s hand he smears it on Hux’s bare skin as he finishes himself. This was months ago.

Snapping back to reality, Hux grips at the table in front of him to steady himself. He glances around but no one is paying him any mind except Ren, who tilts his head when they catch eyes. Hux is sick of his mind games but he can’t deny that revisiting that memory has him flustered.

_Did you like that?_

Hux tries to ignore him.

_I think you did. You’re blushing._

Hux has been trying to suppress the heat that was rising in his cheeks but bringing attention to it ruined any chances of keeping it under control. His palms are starting to get a little damp too, tightly scrunched into fists. He’s not thinking about his crotch, as if by sheer willpower he could stop the blood from flowing there.

Another memory is brought forward, this time a short while after Snoke was killed, before his flagship was broken down for parts. Ren sits in Snoke’s throne, legs spread with Hux kneeling between them, diligently lapping at his cock. Ren is still fully clothed and Hux only in his underwear, knees ragged and dirty from the floor of the ruined throne room. Ren leans back, happy to let Hux do the work and occasionally bucking up into his mouth when he feels the urge. Hux is enjoying the subservient nature of his position more than he would like to let on; his cock is fully hard and leaking, confined in his underwear. When Ren comes he hold Hux’s head down with both hands until he’s finished and Hux is left gasping for air. Ren is still grasping Hux by his hair with one hand when he gets him off with the other. After he comes, Hux collapses, exhausted, with his head on Ren’s lap. Ren pets him with uncharacteristic softness.

Leaving the memory jolts him again but being more expected Hux manages to rejoin the meeting with only a slight twitch. He must be bright red by now; all the blood in his body seems to be head for his cheeks or his now hardened cock. He feels a pang of longing for the memory, a simpler time when all he had to worry about was not choking on the cock of the new appointed Supreme Leader. Things have changed recently, mostly for the worse.

_Ah yes, I’d almost forgotten how much you like that._

As the words enter Hux’s head, something touches his scalp. He knows it is Ren at once, despite obstinately avoiding his gaze across the table, as it is not a hand touched to his head but a feeling. It feels physical and yet also like a breeze and it begins to tug at his hair, pulling at the roots and fondling the base of his neck. Hux shudders. He knows what the Force feels like and it makes him uneasy to be reminded of how fragile he is compared to something most people don’t even believe is real. The physical sensation is good though; good enough that he surprises himself by staying silent. He feels tendrils of the Force reach down his body, petting at his chest, his back, his stomach and his crotch. He wants to cry out so badly as the pressure increases and his cock twitches to meet it.

Another vision, this time it’s not a memory. Pulled from his own mind, it’s a fantasy and one he is not proud of. Hux bent over a console on the command deck, fucked from behind whilst his officers continue their duties and ignore him. Ren holding him down as he does it, one of those leather gloves stuffed in his mouth so he can only moan around it pathetically. He imagines himself trembling with the need for orgasm that Ren would cruelly deny him over and over again. Hux is ashamed to recall the number of times he mechanically pumped his own cock to that rhythm, the fantasy one that he returned to often in spells when the real Ren was away. Something about the public nature of it, the powerlessness and subordination never failed to bring him over the edge.

_I’ve never seen that one before. Have you been hiding things from me, General?_

It takes a second for Hux’s breathing to start again, momentarily paused by question that struck so close to the truth. He’s just referring to the fantasy, though, nothing more. His doesn’t dignify the question with a response.

_I could make it happen, if you want. There’s no one to stop us anymore._

Hux’s eyes widen.

_No!_

He snaps back at Ren before he had time to realise what he was doing. Somehow that vulnerability, a moment of impulse, makes him more embarrassed that his current predicament, grimacing at the outburst. Ren isn’t looking at him. Hux tries to justify himself somewhat.

_It’s just...a fantasy. Stupid. I would kill you if you tried._

His blustering self-confidence amuses Ren enough for his distant smirk to briefly flicker into a grin. Hux looks away, Turing back to the holo-display another officer is gesturing to and vaguely nodding as if he was paying attention. He’s sweating and tense and hot and uncomfortable in these seats with their stupid straight backs. He tries not to let the sensations overwhelm him.

_I like that after everything I’ve done, you still think you have any power over me. Your stubbornness never fails to entertain me._

Patronising little shit.

He knows that Ren could crush him in an instant but it’s nice to pretend that one day, with luck on his side, Hux could get the upper hand. He had his chance once; in a moment he could’ve pulled the trigger and Kylo Ren would be dead. There was hesitation, though, and there was something else he’d rather not think about that stayed his hand from holding his blaster and using it. Circumstances were different then and now that they’ve changed, Hux would pull the trigger without pause if the chance came upon him again.

_This meeting is boring me._

Hux cannot suppress a sigh which draws slight attention from Aleigent General Pryde sitting opposite from him. Hux looks sheepish and hopes that the bright red of his cheeks could be put down to overheating or something. Whilst scrutiny is on him he sits still and does not squirm as his cock seems to desperately crave his attention after the pressure from the Force has been taken away.

_Disband it, then. We could go back to your quarters._

Hux is losing patience with this game as well; knowing that any wrong move would embarrass him in from of all the senior command makes him tense. Add that to the overstimulation of brain and body and it makes for a desperate situation. Convincing Ren to fuck him will at least remove him from this most uncomfortable of positions.

_Full of good ideas today, General. I will disband the meeting as soon as you answer my question._

_What question?_

_Do you like it?_

Hux senses a trap but sees not choice but to continue down the path.

_Like what?_

Visions assault his mind again, this time in quick succession. Some memories, some plucked from his imagination flash through his head. Hux holding Ren down by his shoulders as he rides him. Ren licking his hole as he squirms on all fours and bites his own hand to stop the moans. Ren fucking him with his lightsaber. Hux tied to a bed and Ren lapping at his cock but not letting him buck up into it.

Hux shudders as they recede, feeling still hotter and still more desperate. He’s surprised at himself for how steady he has kept his breathing with this heart beating loud enough to drown out the sound of the discussion.

_Yes, I like it. Now stop it._

_Say it out loud._

Hux is incredulous. He’s baffled by the request and also scared by it. Making a fool of himself in front of the other officers, particularly Pryde, has become a recurring anxiety in his life recently. But then he feels Ren in his head again, searching out more memories no doubt, and he has no choice. He can’t afford another wave of visions without losing all of his dignity and the thought of moaning out loud in front of them is too much to beat.

_Fine! As you wish._

Hux is smarter than he gets credit for and waits, listening in on the discussion being had. It’s moved on since he last paid it the slightest bit of attention; they’re now talking about a planned new weapons system that could potentially require less operators or something. He waits until the right moment, after a proposal to speed its implementation.

‘Yes. I like it.’

It doesn’t quite fit into the conversation and Hux’s prolonged silence makes his contribution a little puzzling but it only attracts minimal attention from the other officers. He looks to Ren for his approval.

_Clever boy._

It seems it was enough; Ren stands up and begins to pace, bringing the whole room to a sudden tense silence. They wait for him to say something.

‘Leave.’

A couple of them hesitate, as if for a moment considering pointing out to the Supreme Leader that the meeting wasn’t yet finished. They decide against it, obviously, and began to all stand and make their way to the exit, some almost frantic to get away. Hux stands up, just to seem as if he knows no more than anyone else but, upon receiving a glare from Ren, remains stood in place. Only Pryde seems to notice him not leaving with everyone else, giving him a stare through narrowed eyes as he leaves. In seconds, the doors hiss shut and they are alone.

Hux stands and waits for something to happen. Gaze lowered a little in embarrassment, he doesn’t look at Ren as he speaks.

‘You enjoyed that: me calling you clever,’ Ren says in a typical monotone. ‘That’s cute.’

Hux grits his teeth, biting back a retort that would probably only serve to embarrass him further. As if the events of the last ten minutes haven’t been humiliating enough.

‘And now you’re angry with me,’ Ren continues, still not making any move toward him.

‘Well that’s what we do, isn’t it?’ Hux spits back. ‘We get angry at each other, we fuck and then we get angry again.’

It didn’t used to be like this.

‘I suppose,’ Ren shrugs.

‘Shall we get on with it, then?’

Hux grows the confidence to ask whilst holding eye contact, what hopefully looks like a irritable sneer twisting his face.

‘Come here.’

He approaches Ren, cautious but with steady steps. When he reaches him, he stops and waits for further instruction. Ren reaches up and touches his face, cupping from his jaw to his ear with one broad hand. Hux is pulled close and kissed for the first time in months and he is close to moaning at the feeling of those familiar lips on his own. They fall into an easy rhythm, one of Ren’s hands threading through his hair while the other reaches down to his waist, his arse. The kiss is aggressive, all sharp edges and tongue and when Ren finally pulls back his lips are pink. His eyes look hungry and, curiously, sad.

They kiss again and this time Ren guides them, pushing Hux to step backwards until his back presses against the cool window. Ren turns him around so that he is facing out towards the stars. Hux can feel Ren’s hands, one on his shoulder and one on his hip, and his breath again his neck.

‘There is such beauty in this galaxy, don’t you think?’

Hux looks out of the window and sees stars, much the same as he has his whole life.

‘Yes.’

Ren’s grip on his shoulder tightens.

‘You’re lying,’ he sighs. ‘I don’t think you really see the beauty in anything, only it’s utility.’

It’s true, perhaps, but Hux can’t help seeing it as an accusation of sorts. He tenses as he feels Ren wrap around him from behind, his arms easily encircling Hux’s narrow chest. He eases quickly, the warmth of the embrace soothing his concern; he leans back and feels Ren’s chin come to rest in the crook of his neck and shoulder. This, fully clothed, feels the most intimate they’ve been for months.

‘I wish you could see the world as I do,’ he says, subdued and wistful. ‘The Force, it allows me to accept everything as it is and was and will be. It’s wondrous.’ He starts kissing and nibbling at Hux’s neck, saying the next words into his skin. ‘You’d probably hate it.’

They chuckle sardonically and Ren continues his assault on Hux’s neck, hands now wandering across his chest and down further, towards his still hard cock which is thankfully concealed by his trousers. Ren’s large hand presses against the bulge and Hux bucks into it, feeling Ren’s responding smile against his neck. His other hand reaches to undo Hux’s belt.

‘Are we not going to-‘

‘No,’ Ren interrupts. He knew what Hux was going to ask through either intuition or mindreading. ‘I want to do it here. To see the stars.’

Hux wants to protest that there are, in fact, also windows in Ren’s quarters but is quickly silenced by his increasingly insistent biting at his neck. He only loosens Hux’s belt enough so that he could fit his hand up inside to paw at his chest. The other hand hasn’t even bothered to open his trousers, rubbing at his cock through the obscenely distended material. He pushes Hux forward until his is pressed against the glass, Ren pressed against his back and Ren’s pronounced erection pressing against the cleft of his arse. He ruts against Hux and moans against the damp skin of his neck where he has bitten it red.

Hux is embarrassingly close to coming. The physical stimulation has been somewhat lacking but the prolonged mental foreplay already set him enough on edge that even this fumbling and rutting might well set him off. It would be a shame to let the first sex they’ve had in weeks to end so prematurely so Hux makes the bold decision to shake Ren off him in favour of removing his clothes. If they’re going to do it, it might as well be done properly.

Ren follows his lead but only gets as far as shirtless by the time Hux is completely naked, at which point a decision is made to forgo undressing in favour of pressing Hux back up against the window and claiming his mouth with his tongue. He looks somewhat ridiculous as he licks and bites his way down Hux’s chest to tease at his nipple, body bent awkwardly low to accommodate the difference in height. It felt good, though, and Hux ran his hands through his dark hair while he worked away at biting his nipple raw. When Ren looks back to his face his eyes are dark and wide and still sad.

‘Do you remember the first time we did this?’

Hux is about to answer sarcastically but he is thrown by the memory Ren pulls out for him. Their first time, back on Starkiller base. They had been bickering in Snoke’s meeting until they were dismissed and now Ren was taking out his anger on him with threats which Hux was snarking at. Ren has him pressed against a wall and he’s hard, they both are. They don’t kiss, they don’t even talk about it but soon enough his trousers are down, Ren’s robes are open and his cock is between Hux’s thighs. They both finish from the friction alone and can’t look at each other for a week.

‘Such a slut,’ Ren admonishes with a smirk. ‘You’d never even seen my face.’

‘Maybe if I had, none of this would have ever happened,’ Hux snaps back. It would have been simpler, at least.

Ren ignores him. ‘I want to do it like that. Like the first time.’

To make his point clearer, Ren reaches between Hux’s legs almost tenderly strokes a finger inside his thigh. Hux nods because he would very much like that too and suddenly he’s turned around to face the void of space again and Ren is at his back. A hand slicked with something he’d been carrying with him reaches down and costs between his thighs with whatever oil or lotion Ren had to hand. He must’ve planned for this encounter. Bastard.

Hux feels Ren’s cock run the length of the cleft of his arse before settling to push in between wear his thighs are clasped together. It’s a crude affair and yet it seems to be enough to make Hux weak at the knees, helpfully steadied by the glass in front and the pressure of Ren at his back. Ren begins to move and the friction is intense, just teasing at his cock when he pushes through.

Ren starts slow but it’s only minutes later that he’s panting in Hux’s ear, rutting at an almost uncontrollable pace. Hux is reaching peak desperation again but he cannot reach down to touch himself without losing the support of the window in front. Ren holds him by his hips, large hands tantalisingly close to Hux’s leaking cock. He makes no move towards it though, seeking his own end as he bites again at Hux’s shoulder this time. With a low moan of relief he comes, cock pressed up against his arse so that the come lands on the small of Hux’s back.

Ren is still breathing heavily, leaning against Hux in a way that lets him feel the rising and falling of his chest. He rests his head back on Ren’s shoulder and reaches his hand down to at last ease his now throbbing cock. Ren grabs at his wrist before he has the chance, though, and turns Hux round again. Making eye contact and smirking a little, he gets down on his knees.

Ren’s mouth on his cock is the most euphoric feeling in the galaxy. He doesn’t have technique in the same way Hux has, but the simultaneous softness and power of it cause him to have to scramble at the window for support. He eventually settle with one hand on Ren’s head, more of a reassurance for himself than any pretended at guidance. His tongue laps at the underside as he takes it into his mouth, each time reaching further towards the base. He’s trying to set up a rhythm and Hux tries desperately not to spoil it by sinking himself into the wet heat. He wants to warn Ren of his impending climax, doing so experimentally through thought rather than vocalisation.

_I’m going to come._

Ren doesn’t seem to react. Maybe he’s too busy to be listening in right now? He starts to panic that it was a bad idea. It doesn’t matter; seconds later Hux is crests an orgasmic peak and it coming into his mouth. Ren is prepared for it, of course, and deftly swallows it down, even lapping at the head to clean away any start droplets.

Hux’s knees finally give way and his sinks to the ground, sitting with his back propped against the windows. He’s basking in an afterglow of pleasurable sensations when Ren drops a bucket of ice water over them.

‘This is the last time.’

A twisting, sinking, shivering feeling washes over Hux, suddenly spun into confusion.

‘What?’ he asks initially before even thinking about it. He knows Ren’s meaning: this is the last time they will have sex, or anything resembling it. He corrects himself. ‘Why?’

Ren, still on his knees, shirtless and sweaty, shrugs. ‘Intuition. I don’t yet know why but I know it won’t happen again.’

‘Is this you saying that, or the Force?’

‘A vision of sorts. Something is happening to us soon but I don’t yet know what.’

Hux’s stomach sinks and he tries to push down any thoughts of what he has done, what he will do, why he was so scared of this attention from Ren today. ‘Something will happen to you or to me?’ he asks, hiding any possible quake in his voice.

‘Both, I think.’

Betrayal. The word springs in his mind when he tries to hold it down. That’s what he’s doing. That’s what will cause this. Even if Ren doesn’t know it yet, it has to be true.

‘You’re sad about it,’ Hux blurts out as a way to distract himself. It’s not a question because it is obvious from everything that’s just happened and the distant stare he’s performing right now.

A flicker of anger, annoyance or possibly embarrassment seems to flash across Ren’s face. ‘Are you not?’

Hux searches to see if there is any string in his heart that feels a pang at the loss of Kylo Ren but he finds it empty. He feels nothing at this news except fear of discovery and consequences. He shuffles a little, uncomfortable at Ren’s scrutiny and lies. ‘Yes, I suppose I am.’

This seems to comfort him somewhat. He could take a second to search Hux’s mind and easily discover the lie of it but he seems to lack the motivation. He instead begins to gather his clothes and dress himself whilst Hux watches on from where he still sits by the window. The sudden rush to be dressed again only serves to highlight Hux’s nakedness and it makes him uneasy.

‘Do you have to go so soon?’ Hux asks, trying not to sound resentful. Then, a different tact. ‘We could go back to your quarters if you’d like. Or mine. Spend a few last hours together.’

‘No.’ He responds bluntly as he adjusts his cloak. ‘I have have places to go, there are things I must do now.’

And with that he turns to leave.

Hux watches bitterly as he walks, thinking only of all the wrongs that he has done him. The humiliation, the loss of power, the abuse Hux had endured under his command had mounted up into something no longer surpassable and it was only right that he should seek revenge. He can only imagine it is what Ren would do if their positions were flipped. And yet here Ren was, walking away from his with all the power and dignity in his hands, Hux left naked on the floor, sticky with someone else’s come. The rage and the hatred had finally boiled over.

_And to think that once I was in love with him._

The thought comes unbidden but not of foreign origin. The memory that accompanies it is drawn by himself too; a memory of a time when that was true. It had started out as nothing more than a release for pent up anger and pettiness, of course, but after their defeat at Starkiller base it grew into something more. The first pangs of feelings hit when he rescued a wounded Ren from the surface of the crumbling planet and personally supervised his recovery. Then, after Ren killed Snoke, there was a period of almost happiness and it felt like the world was at their feet. During that time was a simple event; a meal, a conversation, a bed. Nothing extraordinary whatsoever except for Hux’s restlessness keeping him awake whilst Ren lies peaceful beside him. As he is watching, pale light from a nearby moon illuminating Ren’s naked chest which rises and falls at a steady pace, Hux is struck by a inexpressible longing. He wonders to himself if this is what love feels like and decides that yes, it is. He falls asleep warm and content and not a bit afraid. Never has such a feeling felled him since.

Hux looks up and sees that Ren has turned to face him, staring him down from the other side of the room, eyes wide.

‘That’s the memory I was searching for.’

Hux barely breathes, waiting for him to elaborate.

He doesn’t.

Kylo Ren leaves the room and Hux can only watch.

**Author's Note:**

> It seems it has become a ritual to write kylux smut every time a new star wars is released. I have missed writing for this pair indeed! Check out my account for previous attempts. I will really miss these guys, I've loved writing them over the years. I'm sorry if this one got a little sad; I wanted it to act as a 'break-up' fic of sorts to help explain Hux's actions in TROS.  
> Please let me know what you think as the dopamine hit I get from minor validation is my only motivation to continue writing haha.


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